just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Edward fifth and chaser hands
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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