he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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