Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
