I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
