i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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