census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
