4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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