I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
