I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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