Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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