Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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