It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I did not marry a roomba.
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