i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
bring money and cleavage
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
