i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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