I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
