I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
