I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
