I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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