Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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