You work out of a Hotel?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
