He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
