i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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