just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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