dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
