can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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