Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
