my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
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