Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize