I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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