His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
