Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
