Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My life is pants optional.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
