Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
