According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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