he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
