Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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