why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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