cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
