my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
