all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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