So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
