i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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