I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
