Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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