So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Randomize
