What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
