you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
