One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Too much gin, very little bucket
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just invented taco cereal.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize