Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
