I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I woke up under a house in Key West
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
