when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
