did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
