My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
