when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
