OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
