so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
