i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize