As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
