I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
