is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
