Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
