I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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