I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize