I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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