Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
