It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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