Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
