I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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