Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
