Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
