I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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