Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
