; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize