it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
