Sponge bath it is.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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