Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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