i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
