Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
