I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Holy sore nipples Batman
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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