Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
