You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
