So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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