omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
